The Power of theater programs in our high schools,transforming young lives,Through Our Eyes,In Our Voices

Karen

I sang for my mom at her funeral. She always told me I was a good singer, I just never believed her. But I sang for her. It was the first time I ever sang in-front of family members besides her. She knew though, so I sang. Amazing Grace. It was a real tear jerker... for everyone else.

 I never gave myself a grieving period. I didn't even cry. Does that make me a terrible daughter? I mean, there was my mother laying in a coffin and I couldn't shed a tear. I mean don't get me wrong it hurt. I knew she was never coming back but I also knew that no matter how hard I cried or how long I wore black, she was NEVER coming back. So, what was the point in crying and grieving? I felt my blood boil just looking at the lilac coffin, looking at all the flowers, the pictures, the tears. She was gone, she left and she was NEVER coming back. There I was, a 13-year-old girl, a 13 year old motherless girl. 

The night of the funeral I couldn't sleep. I went downstairs to get myself a glass of water but instead my eyes locked onto my dad's Johnny Walker Black Label; I drank half the bottle and when right to bed. The week I came back to school I felt everyone looking at me with those sympathetic eyes. It just made me even angrier. I didn't want the pity. I didn't want everyone to ask how I was doing every five seconds. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I held my head up, I smiled, and I "moved on". 

"Karen is so strong!" people would say. I wasn't strong, in fact I was dying inside. You see, I was always pretty good at holding things in. And that's what I did. The pain of my mother being gone just stayed in and I never wanted to let it out. I didn't want everyone to think I was vulnerable. Like I said, I didn't want the pity. So, I pushed those feelings aside. And every now and then I would sneak into the liquor cabinet to keep those feelings away. My grades slipped and I barely passed the 8th grade. 

Freshman year came. One of my close friends LITERALLY forced me to audition for the school musical. I didn't want to. I mean I liked to sing and stuff... but acting and dancing REALLY wasn't my thing. But I did. Our musical was Annie. The first day of auditions was the vocal audition and we had to sing "Maybe" and "Tomorrow". I remember looking around the hallway and seeing what seemed like a million other girls with one finger on their ear singing "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I Love ya! tomorrow!" I ran up the stair case and practiced on the third floor. I was so nervous. I couldn't even look at the director. Her face was intimidating. She had heard like 40 people before me and you can just tell she could not take anymore. Her and the musical director broke the ice by making little jokes like "MAYBE you'll sing TOMORROW". I was still nervous. Before I knew it, it was over and I walked home alone in the dark.

            I got the role. I got Annie. It was the first time I ever felt important. Rehearsals took over my life. Memorizing lines, songs, dance moves. It was difficult. But I was having so much fun. My director, who happened to be a counselor as well, would always say.. "When you're on stage you can forget about whatever crap is going on out there. This is where you can get away. You can be anybody you want to be right here on this stage." 

Opening night came and it was a success. As nervous as I was the rush of a standing ovation was overwhelming. Seeing my father out in the audience smiling for the first time in over a year was an adrenaline rush I cannot even explain. Opening night jitters were out of the way on the second night. I have no clue why but the moment I stepped foot on stage I pictured my mother hovering over the audience, I realized that night that she was the reason I sang. She was my inspiration to me finding a home on the stage. There is a scene where Annie is told that her parents were dead. At that moment, I felt a sharp pain in my heart... a pain that I had for so long hidden. At that moment, for the first time... I cried. In-front of a sold-out audience of over 350 people; I cried

I stopped taking liquor from my house. If it wasn't for the stage I would not have found another form of escape. I really feel that if I didn't find a home on the stage and if I didn't confide in my director, my life would have been so different. I'm not saying I would have been an alcoholic or an addict but I am saying I was headed in that direction. I was lost in a very dark place for a very long time; until I found the spotlight...

Keri-

            The stage: my second home. It was a place where I can be happy one second, sad the next and live feelings like never before.

All of my experiences on the stage were educational, enlightening, and there was never a dull moment. When I was on the stage I felt like I was in a different world. Whenever I came home from rehearsal I would have all this left-over energy and I’d start singing show tunes at the top of my lungs as if no one were watching. I remember the day when I told my parents that I love performing on stage, and that I think this could be my career, they looked at me like I had two heads. I couldn’t believe that the people that I’ve only known for a few months understood me more then my own parents. Don’t get me wrong, my parents support me in everything I do, but they just didn’t understand the feeling on being on the stage, and becoming someone you’re not.

Growing up with a sports crazed father and an over bearing mother was difficult, not one of them had any knowledge of Broadway or knew anything about theatre. From the beginning, they really had no idea that I was interested in musical theatre and acting on stage, so I knew once I entered high school this was my chance. Freshmen year there were auditions for our high school musical. ‘It was now or never” I thought as I walked into the auditorium and saw all these talented people.

Looking back at my high school career, if I hadn’t done the theatre program my high school years would have been worthless. Without becoming involved in the musical theatre and learning everything I have, I doubt I would be as outgoing, or as funny as people say I am. I’m truly thankful that I was chosen to be part of the cast that first year, in high school, it gave me the opportunity to shine and do something that up until that point I only dreamed of doing. In a way, it made my dreams come true. I was introduced to something that I love and it made me the person that I am today.                                                                           “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal, everyday is opening night.” -Anonymous